“How do women still go out with guys, when you consider that there is no greater threat to women than men? We’re the number one threat to women! Globally and historically, we’re the number one cause of injury and mayhem to women”
“When you see a mother in McDonald or in a toy store and she’s melting down at their kid. she’s like, ‘Shut up, I hate you, you’re ugly.’ and people standing around going, ‘Oh my goodness, she’s horrible mother!’ But guess what? those people aren’t fucking parents!”
“When god comes back he would go ‘What the fuck did you do? I gave this to you motherfucker are you crazy? the polar bears are brown! did you shit all over every polar bear? who did this? who spilled this shit? come over – did you fucking spill this? what is that shit?’”
“I’ve been called a rape apologist just because I said ‘Hi’ to a guy.
This is a fight between comedians and bloggers, We’re all feel just, overwhelmed and than garbage comes out of our ass and mouth. Just uneducated, unfettered idiots”
“A car goes into your line for a second, and this comes out of your mouth “Worthless piece of shit”. What kind of way is that feel about another human being!? Worthless piece of shhhiit! That’s somebody’s son! where outside of a car saying this is nearly okay?”
“Optimistic people must be stupid. that’s what the word optimistic means, it means stupid. An optimist Is somebody who goes, hey, maybe something nice will happen… Why the fuck would anything nice ever happen?
what are you, stupid?”
“This is love. missing a loved one, because they are gone, wanting to die. you’re so lucky. you’re like a walking poem. would you rather be some kind of a fantasy? Some kind of a disney ride? don’t you see? The pain is the good part. The bad part is when you forget!”
“I don’t know if we fully appreciate the fact that we got out of the food chain. because for every other living thing life ends by being eaten, that’s how all life ends except human life. We’re the only ones that get’s to die old in a bed just, I love you, bye”
“Whenever a white lady on CNN with nice hair says: “The ‘N’ word.” That’s just white people getting away with saying nigger, when you say the “N word” you put the word nigger in the listeners head. You are making them say it. why don’t you fuckin say it instead and take responsibility!”
“I don’t know how I’m gonna tell my kids about drugs. how do you take miserable person with no control over their lifes and tell him with a straight face, ‘Oh, you can’t do drugs. you can’t do that, baby. drugs are so fucking good that they ruin your life’”
“Don’t use your phone during a show, just live your life. stop keep telling people what you’re doing. it lights up your big dumb face. Imagine that you see this beautiful sea of darkness and then you see just one guy with his dumb face fucking it all up for everybody”
“If you’re in an argument with someone older than you, you should listen to ’em. Even if they’re wrong, their wrongness is rooted in more information than you have”
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